Tuesday is Hokkien Day!

Today is Hokkien day. Every Tuesday, Centerfold will be the center of excellence for Hokkien, teaching you all you need to know about the rightfully world's most used language after English. Today, we start with the basics:-

Wa - Me
Lu - You
Walang - We all

OK. You're good to go!

Ordering bah kut teh:~

Thao Kei! Hor wa chi gei lang eh ooi, ngo hueh bah mai lee-au... kam siah..
translation
"Respectable owner of this fine premise! Kindly provide me one order of bah kut teh (tender meat, no fat) for single seating do without any pork spare parts.. thank you..."

and to pay the bill.......
Thao Kei! Siu Lui!

Asking for directions:~ Probably to the bah kut teh shop...

Thao eh.. lu chai an-chua khi chi gei teh-hong boh?
translation
"Oh boss one, can you please direct me to this location (while pointing to a map, or address)"

Yelling at a rude driver:~ Who cut you off while you were on your way to the bah kut teh shop..

Nim bu eh neng le ahh! Hua chiah hua hor lai! Chi mi ah lu???
translation
"Your mother's eggs! Drive carefully! Are you blind??"

Stand off with the rude driver:~ Who saw you cursing at him just as he cut you off, when you were on your way to the bah kut teh shop and decided to get out of his car with his steering lock to teach you a lesson

Nim boh le ahhh! gia steeelllinngg lock lu siong nimpeh kia le ah? ho liau to kar wah eh thao! nimpeh gerenti lu ma-chai hor lu khun kua char!!!
translation
"Your wife, you! Think with your steering lock, i am afraid of you? If you think you're so great hit my head with it! I guarantee, tomorrow you will be lying in your own casket!"

At your funeral:~ For your friends to pay their last respect in hokkien

Khiang toh horr..... mai kei khiang ma....
translation
"Smart enough.... don't be too smart!"


Conclusion:- Never screw a guy in hokkien unless you have the balls to back it up.


DID YOU KNOW??

CHAP TUAN in hokkien means association.

Tell a friend!

JIN @ CoCo Banana...na na na....

A good friend of mine came back from Australia for a month's holiday after not returning for more than 3 years. Since he's flying off today, us group of friends most of which are ex school mates decided to give him a farewell at Coco Banana, Sunway... and what better way to do it then with beer?

YESS...... beer, the world's oldest and most popular alcoholic beverage. No one can resist it, many swear by it... then again, after a couple of bottles you tend to swear at everything else. Not to digress, my pal Banjo was served with a kick ass amount of beer from all of us.. with the pure intension of making sure he wouldn't be able to walk straight by the end of the night. Of course, the ultimate satisfaction would have been if we had to carry him out on a stretcher. Friends can be such assholes. But we do it with the purest intensions at heart. :)

Why coco banana in the first place? well, Bar Celona was having some kinda event so we decided to switch venues. Why Sunway? Simple. Near to klang. no road block. Drinking downtown is a real kill-joy. After 1 mug you get cautious about your alcoholic breath. Friggin' waste of time.

Anyway coco was having an event of it's own that night. Freestyle rapper Jin, Jin the MC, 100 Grand Jin, The Emcee.. the main man himself was having a roadshow there. Well for those of you who don't know who Jin is, he's a freestyle rapper; Miami Florida US of A native of Chinese decent. Do a wiki if you want more info.

FINE. Here's the wiki link you lazy bastards.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jin_Au-Yeung

Im into RAP. Freestyle, whatever. I just have a respect for rappers who can spit rhymes for a full minute straight with no full stop. and no shortness of breath! Amazing! I hate Akon.. Scandalous dweeb. I FUCKING HATE SEAN KINGSTON more.. what ever category of crap he's in. Anyway im digressing again...

SIGHTS NO SOUNDS OF BANJO'S Farewell..


Friends, some since kindergarten.. pushing 30 years of friendship. Fucking something to shout about mind you!

Stoned out of his god damn mind!.. And there was no use of Hallucinogen, weed or any form of drugs what so ever! Amazing!

One for the road. The next time you come back make sure it's with a wife and a kid.

Not very happy the beer was finishing....

The 51st Cleo's most eligible bachelor. The magazine didn't have enough paper.

I fucking hate that guy in the front with the glasses.

Jin the rapper, meet Jin the drifter, auto sports extraordinaire..

Bust-ing-a-rhyme; Jin ABC vs Joe C..... and some dude behind.

Jin had a couple of drinks at our table. I smuggled the glass he drank from out of coco. Im gonna sell it on e-bay. Starting price.... RM10,513.17. Open for negotiation. Email me for more information.

of tailgaters & world earth day

Traveling through Klang town Mondays to Sundays is a real bitch recently. Its bad enough you have impatient drivers on the road, the current construction taking place on one out of the two main bridges you can take to cross into the housing estates from Klang town isn't helping the traffic condition. Add a little bit of rain and you square a good 45 mins in bumper to bumper traffic for what usually takes a mere 5 mins to get from Bukit Raja toll plaza over the Klang bridge.

While driving back from work the last couple of days i'm greeted with that all too familiar sound of a roaring ambulance siren coming from behind. Naturally, the only right thing to do is move a side so they can get to where their heading. Two days straight, the moment I moved aside, some fucked up asshole cuts me straight off to tailgate the ambulance. I mean, what the fuck is up your ass pissant?? Don't you know you're more likely to cause an accident with that reckless driving?? and the sad part is there really is no differentiating who these assholes are.

Irregardless of age, gender, race or religion, these assholes spring out of no where to risk their lives and the lives of others so they can tailgate behind an ambulance just to get where ever it is their heading probably faster by 2 minutes. Jackass. Everytime i see some asshole do that i'm compelled to pull out my smith&wesson from my glove compartment and bust two caps in the fucking tailgater's rear wheels.

OK i dont have a Smith & Wesson. It's illegal.

But it still pisses me off to the high heavens everytime i see an ambulance tail gater. Jackass...

In other non-related news, today happens to be World Earth Day. Yeah, WORLD EARTH DAY. The day everyone remember how much damage we have done and are still doing to our planet. The day we stop to think, "hey yeah... actually i am abusing my planet to some extent.. Maybe today, i'll stop using paper cups and use a mug. Maybe today i'll read the document online rather than printing out all 50 pages, only to toss them out once i'm done reading it.." Today is the day the world, in unison stop to think about the damage we have done to our planet.

Tomorrow, we forget. and we go about our lives.

The truth really is inconvinient. Al Gore really hit the nail on the head.

I admit, i happen to be one who gets all hyped up about conservation just cause today's World's Earth Day. When i wake up tomorrow, i'll probably forget all about it. It's not because there is lack of awareness. i got ASTRO. ASTRO tells me everything i need to know. But ASTRO doesn't teach me how to inconvinient myself maybe just a little to save a little in return.

SAD... i'm no better than the tailgater...... same difference.

OKAY then again..... maybe not. That fucking tailgater is still a fucking jackass who deserves to be shot.

But starting tomorrow morning, im segregating my trash to paper, plastic and glass. Better set a reminder on my phone so i don't forget.

Cut & Paste

I have writer's block. Not to say i'm hell of a writer to begin with but any who........ i have writer's block. That's the problem when the only form of writing one ever does is documentation for User Requirement Specifications, Technical Specifications, Technical Proposals and User Manuals. It's a shitty job, but some poor sod has to do it. That poor sod happens to be me.

It's a whole different ball park when it's formal documentation. When 60% of the work is doing screen shots and using that all too familiar cut & paste function, that leaves just about 40% of telling what those screen shots actually do.

I love cut & paste. Did i even mentioned i love cut & paste?

Bill Gate's gift to mankind.... Cut & paste

My official last working day is 23rd May 2008. I'm still doing cut & paste. Again, MY official last working day is 23rd May 2008. I'm still troubleshooting YOU-KNICKS servers over VPN from home at wee hours in the morning. 23RD MAY 2008! I'm still housekeeping, fine tuning and troubleshooting Larry Ellison's irish pot of gold database ALSO via VPN.
In a typical organization, i would have already started handing off my shit load of work i have to Mr. Sorry Sod, next-in-line protégé. But in THIS current organization, i'd probably be doing proposals till my last day, and they'd probably expect a 1/2 hour hand over session before i leave. Hmmm.. correction. probably 15 mins hand over cos the 1st 15 mins will be used to decide WHO actually will be taking over...

IGNORANCE IS BLISS.

Ignorance is Bliss... such an appropriate tag line for a company. After all, no else seems to give a shit about what's going to happen in the future. What more, since i'm leaving.... shouldn't i do the same? Tsk Tsk... i'm ashamed of having to explain this to my clients.

The only single greatest regret i have throughout my 2 years here is representing such a weak-ass product / solution.

Think i'll get back to doing my documentation for this weak-ass product..

Friggin' WEAK-ASS BUG INFESTED PRODUCT.

One Ostrich Short...

My home has one pet too many. I randomly took pictures of all of them recently for the hell of it.

Furball 1#: Bunny.
Also affectionately bun-buns. Oldest rabbit on the block. He's pushing 6 years and still kickin' it free style. Hmm.. then again, maybe not. He prefers to stay in the cage where food and water is a-plenty. Throw him out flat on his ass and he goes barging into the cage again. Closet case.

Furball 2#: Morris.

Also known as: Mor-Mor, Chibai Cat, dumb cat, staircase cat. Latest addition to the family. Loves sucking his sister Muriels tits for god knows what reason. Fucked up beyond comprehension.

Mor Mor's a bit pissed with the flash from the camera, hence the claws.

Furball 3#: Muriel

Also known as Mew-mew, dumb cat, staircase cat (she and Mor Mor spent their first 3 weeks hiding along the railings of the staircase in fear of the other bitches living in the house). Lets brother Mor-Mor suck tit at will. Yeah, like there's any milk. dumb ass. Morris and Muriel came from my sister's litter of kittens.

The camera flash woke her up.

Furball 4#: Mango
Also affectionately known as: Dumb manx, mang-farts, grubby dog, psycho bitch. Oldest bitch of the lot. She's pushing ten but still acts like a 6 month old pup. Although paper trained, she will shit on your playstation or piss on your couch if you don't pay attention to her. One too many cans of whoop ass was opened for her poo-poo action leaving her slightly delusional.

Furball#5: Bits

Also known as Bitsy, dumb bitch, chibai dog. Bitsy hates cats, period. Does everything in her will to chase them out of the house. Successfully got rid of pepper my previous cat. Pepper now runs amok in the streets never to return home again. Mor and Mew are a tag team, so she has trouble getting rid of them.


The grandest of them all....

Furball 6#: Duchess
Also affectionately known as: The grand duchess, Duch, Doochie, Doochie baby, flabby mouth. The only pure bred in the house. This gentle giant, a great dane hates cats and birds to the max. If ever one were to land in my back yard, i'd probably find one paw or beak... what ever's left of the poor bastard that wondered in. Terrific guard dog. Leaves the neigbours alone when out of the compound, but barks blue murder at the slightest movement outside the compounds of my home. Her growl and size sends shivers down the back of anyone daring enough to take a peek in my back yard. Not to mention her fangs. When she's in defense mode, her flabby mouth crunches up to show her pearly whites.

Duchess pearly whites. She was getting a tad pissed at my camera.

Acting like a 6 Month old pup.. playful as hell.

She means business.

Im but one Ostrich short of starting my own petting zoo....

Nasty be@rbricks

My Colleague is a hard-core be@rbrick fan. He has so many of the little fellas all over his desk at work i sometimes feel it's only appropriate we setup another desk for them to sit and stare back at us dumbasses working for peanuts day in, day out.

I had an early meeting with boss at blue hyppo Headquarters. My colleague, owner of the army of tiny plastics had a customer appointment at yellow submarine. Walking pass his desk after getting back from my meeting, i just had the urge to move them around a little.. Sorry bro, if you ever stumble upon this post, all's good ya?

INTRODUCING......

Be@rbricks tailo's from KLANG!

Dark Blue Be@rbrick:

Name: Ah Cheong

Age: 22

CV: Single handedly kicked the shit out of 5 guys trying to 'bao' him protection money at Klang bus stand. Currently self employed DVD seller, often seen hanging around Lai Choon Bah Kut Teh. Aspires to be the Shiny Disc Hero one day.

Light Blue Be@rbrick:

Name: Ricky Beng

Age: 29

CV: Awarded best debt collector of the year. Works for Ah Seong the 'along'. 2nd in command to Ah Seong. Part time online sports bookie behind Ah Seong's back.

Green Blue Be@rbrick:

Name: Ah Seong A.K.A 'along'

Age: 30

CV: Along since 19 years old. Known to give good loan rates.

Brown Be@rbrick:

Name: unknown.

Age: unknown

CV: unknown, but currently getting the shit kicked out of him for owing Ah Seong money.

T-Shirts you'll never see sold in Jaya Jusco

Original email received was, "T-Shirts you'll never see sold in Walmart." Walmart?? hey i think Americans are more liberal than that. More likely to be T shirts you'll never see being sold in Jaya Jusco.. what more, under the Jusmate label. Definitely sold in Thailand Chatuchak market that's for sure.. i saw a couple of these going for 120 bhat each when i was there a few years back. Fucking hilarious..


The world's famous dental hygene range of products come with a free shirt. Recommended by the World Dental Association.

I wonder what's the credit limit like? As much as your gonad's can hold?

Where's the screwdriver?

Available at petting zoos nationwide..

I like this. Good for Saturday nights when you're out clubbing. Can't say you didnt warn them right?

Who doesn't?

i know a friend who needs this shirt. Only for oversized men with beer bellies. You scraunny bastards can wear something else.

Ain't that the truth....

For you guys with small peckers.. not recommended. Best keeping that "legend" hidden in case it becomes the joke of the century.

Love this shirt. Im having a bout 20 of them printed for all my friends.. bloody drunk bastards..

And this too.....

This is my all time favourite. Recommended to wear on Fridays to work especially if you have an early morning meeting with your boss. Ya, subliminal messages are the way to go if you want to let your bosses know something.. so what better way then to tell them with a shirt, how exactly you feel about them?

If you dont mind getting slapped around abit..

Lickalottapuss??!?!? what the fuck!

Pekerja KFC jatuh kedalam kuali

When i first saw the header in my mailbox from my ex-ILB colleague Gwyn, i thought "haiyah, another one of those fucking junk mail full of gory images of people being crushed by vehicles, severed limbs with blood, guts, spits and ass all over the god-damn place". Of course in this case, i was expecting to see images of some poor dude arms fried to a crisp like fucking chicken wings. Seriously, nothing is worth having fried chicken wing like arms for minimum wage. Yeah, we all know how well these fast food joints pay they friers...... no big secret there!

I was about to delete the email without reading it in fear that it would fuck up my lunch appetite but non the less, curiousity got the better of me and so i opened the attachment only to see this picture.

It actually made me hungry. Looks like a bunch of fucking tempura prawns fried together in the wrong way no?

Hilarious.

Getting inked over the weekend

Didn't do much over the weekend except get myself inked for the third time. Well, actually, it's a continuation of where the second one was last left off so technically, it's still considered my second tattoo. OK screw technically. It IS still my second tattoo. The half sleeve started a couple of months back and yesterday i went back to get more work done on it. Wished that more was done but anyhow, there's still session 3 coming up next month which should finish every thing; colours and all..

Back to the Alzheimer's theory... So i don't forget 20 years from now...Why get a koi? If you're as cina as it gets, and in my case i score a nice 9.9 outta 10, one would typically try to get something symbolic with strong characteristics; which doesn't clash with your own stars. I dunno, some people couldn't give a rats ass; some people particularly 'pantang' getting any ink with skulls or images associated with death. While many would love to get ink done of powerful figures like Sun Wukong, or Kuan Kong; they often refrain from doing so in fear that the character would be too strong for the body to host.. hmmm. anyway, that's my buddy Aquaria Man's 2 cents worth when we were talking about tattoos couple of weeks back after futsal.

Back to the koi. Quick search on google.... search..... searchh.... loading.... loading.... done!

1. A very strong and symbolic creature. (Ok good.)
   
2. Koi is said to be able to swim up waterfalls. (hmm.. quite the powderful hor)
   
3. In folklores, a koi once swam up the yellow river and upon reaching the top was transformed into a dragon (Wah! transformers characteristics.. 1# Fan)
   
4. Koi ain't no sissy fish. Pick one up and place it on the chopper and it will lie there patiently awaiting it's fate unlike a samurai. (I shit you not, i read this off the internet)
   
5. Symbolizes abundance of wealth, everything you get is always more than others. (Does this means i'm rich?)

And then's when i decided to stick to koi on the right arm. Left arm... save that for Sun Wukong. I'm not that pantang after all, and i am born in the year of the Munky. Plus points. hah!

Welcome to Helga's house of pain. Pansies, make a left turn and head for the lift. Screaming not allowed. Please remain seated throughout the journey. Thank You.

My favourite smoking section with the best sign pinned up. SPCA, PAWS, Pet Rescuers have applauded this move and encourage many others to start pledging support in ensuring the survival of our six legged friends.

Session 2# Results:

Rewards were never this easy

Recently Telekom Malaysia Berhad launched TM Rewards, the microsite dedicated to rewarding homeline subscribers with perks like free movies, discounts on selective items and so on. Every month a new participating retail outlet will give us homeline users discounts or value buys. Last month it was HP printers at a low and affordable price, this month's promo is free dental examination for your rotten, decaying teeth!

I take pride in this site cause my company developed it and i had a very vital role to play in the overall delivery of this product. Yea so im half bragging. Sue me. I work very closely with two prominent Telco's in the country where my company's products are being used and it's interesting to see how aggresive they work to role out new value added services every day to consumers like us. Implementation is always painful but if delivery is successful, its always nice to sit back and see the results of your hard work.

The next time you text away on your mobile phone, or download the latest caller tunes think of all the hardworking people behind the scenes working round the clock to make sure the services you want are delivered to you.

Back to TM Rewards. Get your butt over to www.tmrewards.com.my and register. It doesnt cost you a cent. Heck who knows, you could come out with a couple of freebies.

Again, back to the telco business. I remember sometime back last year, when my system for yet another prominent Telco was launched, i was at their customer service center witnessing their Customer Service Staff work their way around the new system. All of the sudden this dick wad bursts into the center like a ranging bull on hormones and started yelling at the customer service (CS for short) staff asking him to 'settle' some of his mobile phone problem. something wrong with his bill or something. SO anyway, this CS staff in a very friendly manner told the rude guy to get in line and take a number. Standard la, bank also have to take number, GOVment office also have to take number, same here la.

But this old lump of turd insisted he be serviced first cause he was double parked. Can you imagine the attitude of this prick?? Fuck you lah you so kan chiong takut kena saman go park your car nicely lah! What, other people wait their turn you no need to wait? Who the hell died and made you king of the road? He not only showed people how stupid and inconsiderate he is, he also proved himself to be quite an idiot. I dont deny sometimes, customer service can be quite rude and if in such a case you know you're in the right then by all means let loose and let it rain fire. But come on la, sometimes people just doing their job there's no point to be a bitch about things.

So in future, if you see some one barging into a bank, telco customer service, govment office or anything that needs a queue for that matter and cuts you off, please do one of the following:-

1. Trip him with your umbrella when he walks out.
2. Trip him with your feet when he walks out.
3. Cough in his face by accident when he walks out. He wont mind, cause he's rushing anyways right?
4. Fart in his direction moments before he walks pass and let him get a wiff of that sambal belacan you had for lunch.
5. If you're behind him, sigh uncontrollably and do that "chek" "chek" sound.. you know, that sound of disaproval.
6. For the more courageous, turn him around and stomp on his toes, pull his shirt over his head and beat him to a pulp. Not recommended where security guards in the vicinity have guns.
7. Cut him off back just as he cuts you off.
8. If you know his car is double parked out side and you can see it, tripple park in front of his car. Get your friends to park all around him if you're in a big group.
9. Write on a piece of paper "I am an inconsiderate bastard that cuts queues and likes licking balls for breakfast" and try to UHU glue it to the back of his shirt. This requires a bit of skills not recommended for NOOBS.
10. And if all else fails, wait in line and bitch to yourself how unfair it is he got serviced first.

TM Rewards doesn't have a queue. Registration is free so go check it out. If you encounter any problems call 100 from your land line. Dont ask me.

The shit people do to their pets

A random search on google image with the keyword "funny pictures" may end up with you on the floor, rolling and laughing your ass off. Seriously, the shit people do with their cats are just too much sometimes. The photoshoped pictures are good enough to have you teary eyed but then they have to go and add those dumb ass captions...



HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

I found pills and ate them?!?!?!? HA HA HA HA HA



Seriously, leave the cats alone man. They don't any better. I can't say much for her tho..

Tell me something i don't know..

It's always about food...

There has been an increasing amount of sites dedicated to food. It seems every other page i go to has one dude telling a bunch of other dudes where the best tapas in town is at, where we can pay RM9.99 and eat our hearts out. Cameras today are cheap. Mobile phones come equiped with them. Some go to the extent of Digitally SLR-ing their breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yeah, so we're treated to fantastic shots of all these tentalizing food. Visual always works. Who the hell wants to read a blog that tells you in lengthy description how good the food tasted right? fuck that shit, show me some pictures now! So today, im giving a shot at this food blogging business. I'm still a bit rusty, but hey it's just like Microsoft Office right? If you know Word 97 you'll know how to use Words 2007. 10 years difference only what... I've taken some pictures of my "fine dining" dinner..

This is not my dinner. This is just a sample of what i'm trying to achieve in this post. Here's my dinner:-

Mmm.... look at how nice and brown the crust is.. the center is so soft, so white and creamy.. The bread is served on an authentic Wa Chai Wan Tan Mee plate.. yellow and plastic. So original.. This is the main course. I didnt have any starters but i had some gourmet coffee which was extremely good.. so tentalizing on the tastebuds!

The instructions said open sachet, pour into cup and add hot water. I decided to take it up a notch and added 1 ice cube. Man do i love experimenting with my drinks!

For deserts i treated myself to freshly home baked cookies. They where so good, especially when i dunked it into my coffee.. yum!

See how fresh the cookies are? It even comes with Proportionate dimples all over the square lil' bundle of love.. how cool is that??? I had me a total of 5 pieces and can't wait to have more!

Seriously, if i ever see another site with digitally enhanced images of dishes that look no where near the real thing, i'm giving on the internet entirely.

Remedy for Alzheimer’s

After a three year hiatus, i've finally decided to start blogging again, this time around with the goal to back up my memories on to this here blog. Blogging is the remedy for Alzheimer's make no mistake about that. To note, i have no idea why i chose just-panic, or centerfold. NO, centerfold here no way refers to the Playboy centerfold men back in the 90's line up around the block to grab the latest edition of the best selling magazine so they can oogle and jack off to the centerfold... and Just-panic? why not?

Its been said blogs make money. So i've added some nuffies by the side. I've tried adsense before. Didnt help me out there. Maybe a local ad generator can? who knows.

Today i had chicken rice for lunch.
Today i prepared a data diagram workflow for my client. Change Request for one of my systems.
Today i placed an order for RM268 Western Digital external Harddrive from SiS Distri.
Today i drank 5 cups of coffee which is one too many.
Today i smoked half a pack of ciggies. Marlboro is the brand, full flavour.. don't forget.
Today i am going to submit this post and hit the sack.

Im tired.

I have a bullshit meeting to look forward too in the morning. Same shit, same time, same venue. The updates are always the same, the bosses are a lot less interested in the updates every week.
The meeting is so pointless i dont even know why they bother to have it in the first place. Im so sick of it, i feel like putting a gun to my head and blowing my brains out just having to sit through the entire tormenting session. Ya here's the noose, care to tighten it a little?

Thank god im not sticking around for long. Just gotta endure it for two more months. You guys better start shopping around for a new project manager before the Yellow submarine rides up your ass.. if you know what's good for ya.

I think tomorrow, i'll blog about how fucked up my meeting went... ya my post sucks, bite me.